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The Effects of Divorce on Children

Divorce.

What do you think its exact definition is?

According to Dictionary.com,

divorce is: a judicial declaration ending a marriage,

any formal separation of husband and wife

according to established custom,

or total separation or disunion.

Divorce can hurt more than just the husband and wife though.

It can destroy their families,

and it can destroy the child or children, if they have any.

The adults could even be disowned from their families,

simply because they divorce someone.

But even though there is a lot of information on the way this affects the adults,

there is little in comparison that describes the way it affects the child or children.

Say you go to google and type in divorce.

Just divorce, no quotations, or added words.

Just plain and simple divorce.

There are 54,100,000 results.

I looked at the first ten that popped up on my web browser.

Do you know how many of those actually explained the way it affects the child,

or even mentioned it?

None. Zero out of ten mentioned the child.

I don't know how many there would be that would mention children

out of all the results.

And if you want to find out, be my guest.

After checking those ten,

I went and searched effects of divorce on children.

566,000 results.

Yes, this is a pretty big number.

But It's nothing compared to the 54,100,000 for just divorce.

57% of divorces are begun by the wife.

According to divorcemag.com, 31% of divorces have children that are fine.

33% have children who are somewhat upset or angry.

19% have children who are quite upset or angry.

The last 17% have children who are extremely upset or angry.

There were 41% of divorces during the first marriage,

60% during the second marriage,

and 73% during the third marriage.

Discovery channel says that couples with children have a slightly

lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

According to divorcerate.com, 27.6% of women under twenty years old divorce.

36.6% are twenty to twenty-four,

16.4% between the ages of twenty-five and twenty nine,

8.5% between thirty and thirty-four,

and the final 5.1% are between the ages of thirty-five and thirty-nine years old.

For men, 11.7% are under twenty,

38.8% between twenty and twenty-four,

22.3% between twenty-five and twenty-nine,

11.6% were between thirty and thirty-four years old,

and the final 6.5% were between thirty-five and thirty-nine years old.

One of the very first searches on my web browser for effects of divorce on children

was an article from the University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension,

titled, "The Effects of Divorce on Children."

As it says, most adults undergoing divorce are concerned about their children

and how it will affect them in the future.

The effect on a child depends on the age, the gender, personality,

conflicts between the parents and the support from friends and family.

For children between three and five,

many feel guilty about the divorce.

Some begin to fear that they will be left alone,

or even abandoned all together.

Sometimes they believe that if they had done all their chores,

or ate all of their food,

the parent might not have left.

The divorce can cause the child to begin showing infant-like behavior,

like wetting his bed,

or possibly wanting a old toy, like a teddy bear.

Some children will change emotionally.

They may become depressed, angry, or uncooperative,

or deny that anything has changed.

Even though he wants to have the security of his parents,

he acts disobedient and aggressive.

Some psychologists believe that a divorce is hardest on a child during his elementary years.

The child is old enough to comprehend that they are in pain because of the divorce.

But they don't understand or are able to control how they are reacting to this pain.

Some children may experience grief, embarrassment, resentment, divided loyalty,

and sometimes even intense anger.

The child may feel rejected by the parent that left.

But he is lucky- he is able to play and interact with other children,

allowing him to cope a little bit more.

Many children this age, like any age really, hope,

may even pray, that their parents will get back together.

Even at the teenage years, the child's emotions are greatly affected.

At this age, he mainly feels anger, fear, loneliness, depression and guilt.

Some are also pushed into adulthood because they have to do more chores around the house,

or take care of younger siblings.

The adults may begin having a low energy level combined with a high stress level.

So this may also make the child feel like he needs to take control of the household.

Teens may also be feeling like they don't have a parent to go to

about the sexual feeling they are beginning to have.

Some also wonder if they will ever be able to get married,

let alone be able to stay married.

Teens are able to remember a lot about the conflict and stress of the divorce,

and so this can interfere with how they are able to cope with all of the changes.

Some feel like they need to choose one parent over the other,

or may feel like they need to blame one for the divorce.

Gender really does affect a child during the divorce.

Some research actually proves that some boys who are raised by their fathers,

and girls who are raised by their mothers,

do better than if they are raised by the parent of the opposite sex.

Some boys, who are raised by their fathers,

or even in a joint-custody arrangement,

may be less aggressive than others who are raised by their mothers.

They may also have less emotional problems than boys raised by their mothers

or that have little to no contact with the father.

Many girls that are raised by their mothers sometimes may be more responsible

and more mature than girls raised by their fathers.

My parents divorced when I was only three years old.

So I don't remember really anything from when it first happened

or even in the few years after.

I don't remember how it affected me then.

All I really remember is coming home from my dad's,

and just bawling, wishing I could be back with him. 

The divorce has made me depressed,

that much I know extremely well.

I've also felt lonely, sometimes not knowing who I should go to.

I'm not saying that because I don't feel it, it's not true.

I just don't remember.

I know that these emotions can be true because of friends and family.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you think it's better for a divorce to happen when the child is younger, or older?

Me- I believe its best when the child is older,

depending on the circumstances.

If the parents are constantly fighting, it's best when the child is young.

But if  it's not constantly, or has just started,

it's best when the child is older.

Some people would agree with me, and some would not.

But I've pretty much always had this opinion.

Mainly because of my parents.

I can't remember a time when they haven't fought really.

So I believe it would be better if you had some memories of your parents being happy together.

You don't have only memories of your parents fighting.

So you at least have something to overcome the bad ones- you have the good.

There isn't a time when they are fighting.

There is a time- however short or long it may be- that they were happy.

And even just a little time of good can defeat a long time of bad.

Had you ever thought of the effects a divorce has on the child before this?

Had you thought about how many divorces there are?

How many children these divorces have affected?

You probably know someone who is divorced, is getting divorced,

or has a family member who is divorced.

So you can see how they are affected- on the outside.

Did you ever think about what they may be hiding,

what they may be feeling on the inside?

So I have one last question for you:

What will you do now?

You may completely ignore what I have said.

Or you may try to make your marriage, now or later, work for your children.

But whatever you do, remember the child.

Think of how this can effect them in the long run.

                                    ~   Anonymous

The Scripture says,

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God."

                      ~ Romans 3:23

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,

and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead,

thou shalt be saved."

                 ~ Romans 10:9

Don't fall asleep without Jesus

until you are assured of a place in heaven.

Tonight, if you would like to receive the gift of eternal life

first you must believe in the Lord.

You have to ask for your sins to be forgiven

and put your trust in the Lord.

There's only one way to heaven and that's through the Lord Jesus.

That's God's wonderful plan of salvation.

You can begin a personal relationship with Him

by praying from your heart a prayer such as the following:

"Oh God, I'm a sinner.

I've been a sinner all of my life.

Forgive me, Lord.

I receive Jesus as my Savior.

I trust Him as my Lord.

Thank you for saving me.

In Jesus' name, Amen."